reformatting

I heard myself laugh loud and hard this evening so that the woman/women downstairs might hear me. Or so somebody might hear me. And immediately a line from the film American Gangster hit me - "the loudest man in the room is the weakest man in the room." This is odd because the movie was not so powerful or good or important for me, but obviously the line went into me, waiting...It had an effect on me.
I'm happy about this and the way film/art/whatever can pop into your brain to reformat your drive.

I miss having sex and I want it. Soon. I will start grabbing women off the street and taking them to my place. Not really, but maybe in a dream or something, this would be good.

Evan moves to Costa Rica tomorrow. He's going somewhere. I finish school soon and I must delve crazily into my paper writing. I have many books and too many articles to go through. Mostly on Foucault, but also this Frenchman Pierre Bourdieu who I am excited to get into. He was unhappy in school, as a child, and he tore shit up intellectually in France. I will write about the function of criticism, the role of the intellectual, and the relationship between theory and practice. This will have implications for scientific policy, but it will not be explicit in my paper. I will also write a paper on black masculinity (and perhaps homoeroticism) in African American Art. This will allow me to research hip-hop (in all its forms and aspects) more deeply. I'm getting a book called Total Chaos by Jeff Chang (I think). There are great political implications here. And I also wonder if I might insert the BLack Panthers and Malcolm X into this research. Mostly I'm interested in identity, gender, and image. Lastly, I will write a paper on the way discourse effects political organization. I might write it about language strategies or about Latin America. This is a paper I am not excited about, but I know it will be powerful and important for me in the end. So, I must enter into a form of madness, as Ben described in the email i just read...It will be a new sort. Perhaps I will also start using ritalin and caffeine more liberally, but more intensely, to spice things up. But it is important that I dig in and actually Think. To reach the borders.
I want to know many things. make sure the questions are specific. And get some kind of answers. Or understanding. Or something godamnit. this is the end of this fuckin university career...
for now.