the Not Normal as normal. The law's hand in creating the normal. The space within law to transform the normal to develop normal anew.

Spitting humans

there was the woman who understood the crawling instincts in us all. so she would spit on herself before she left the house. Spit in her hand and rub it over her body like lotion. After a shower. Fresh spit on top of a fresh body.
I figured out the smell years later. But I always thought about her scent. It was hers alone. I never thought it was particularly good yet it pulled at me. Regardless of time or place, there was always that desire. It must have been the spit.
She would leave sex smeared on her body, she would masturbate and wipe her fingers across her neck gently. She knew what she was doing. She understood human before the rest of us. Her mind worked far forward, pulling from an animal past. It is beautiful to realize, our roots dug deep into a dirty mess of history's bodies. Stepping back now I can see the ideas spread across History, as a virus. With no real roots other than that instinct in a human. Instinct, which adapts, transforms, overcomes, covers, lies, moves...Instinct at the core of today. Covered up more than ever. Make-up covering instinct. But, she knew. She saw it all simply as I do now. So she got dirty. And desire. And became a human.

At this hour the halls burn nothing anyhow, so I can, if I want, creep around and see who's doin what, what's doin who, how's doin goin. The problem here is the hearing. Everybody can hear. Inside your room you've got the nice walls, so you can't hear the other rooms. But, you can hear the hall. And maybe they can't hear you from the hall, but in your room, yea, you can hear a lot. And sometimes I'll listen
more later

November:
20 - papers
21 - papers
22 - papers
23 - papers
24 - Berlin
25 - Berlin
26 - Berlin
27 - return Berlin (write short paper)
28 - HR seminar - 2 papers
29 - Religion seminar (4-6 pages due of research paper)
30 - papers
December:
1 - papers
2 - papers
3 - papers
4 - papers
5 - papers (HR due) Finish religion
6 - Barcelona
7 - Barcelona
8 - Barcelona
9 - Barcelona
10- Barcelona
11- Barcelona
12- Barcelona
13- relax
14- relax
15- relax
16- Northern Lights
17- Northern Lights
18- Northern Lights
19- Northern Lights
20- Northern Lights
21- relax
22- relax
23- return to US

curiosity

Reaching within.
Breaking through.
Curiosity exists only within limits.
And perpetuates itself by breaking them and creating new ones.
Curiosity is religious.

something about mom

and becoming friends with your parents. the relationship changes. it's more casual. yes, i understand now that you've been alive longer. whatever you know, you've lived years. ok. yea

Habit

Habit forms reason. Habit cares nothing for reason. Habit is blinding, but it can liberate. The possibility exists within habit to transform. I will transform my habits and thus myself.
The mornings will be spent making a substantial breakfast and relaxing with coffee - planning the day. I must strive to retire earlier in order to rise earlier. But if I am productive at late hours I should not stop myself. Nevertheless, 11pm is the absolute latest I will start a day before leaving Sweden.
I will go on a walk or run everyday at some point to clear my mind of filth.
My space must be organized so as to allow the mental chaos free reign to explore. We do not want external space to interfere within.
I must time myself on the computer. Only 30 minutes to an hour a day spent communicating.
6-8 hours per day researching, reading, writing. No exception.
The day is not for relaxing with a meal and watching a film or documentary. The flow of work cannot be stopped with this. Not until early evening is a break allowed.
Then work continues.
The desire to watch something while eating and all those other habits that have formed here from my laziness, or desire to escape myself, will be destroyed.
Born again from myself. From the ashes.

crowds of stupids

i hate crowds of stupids.