Monday, March 31, 2008

My house has cobwebs and some distance from city things. The spiders actually lay their eggs in the corners of the ceiling. There's the feeling of loneliness with the darkness. It's more real, but I've made it my decision to stop it from being completely comfortable. I was never consciously aware of this decision but it was certainly made. I think it's okay. I want to know that I'm leaving soon. Don't get comfortable, we'll be out soon. Making too big a deal of things, comfort comes easy, with ease. ! I get afraid sometimes. Why so far? This quarter I will redefine solitude, friendship and joy. And discipline. For the self. A remolding. In a word: madness.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Meditation: Struggle for momentary escape from chaos. Diving into the trenches. To rest. To come out again fighting. Or prepared.

Media: A study must be done on the development of the media. Of the way in which we communicate information. One can follow a root of political scandals (often enough) in the media enterprise. Towards an understanding of the value of information, how it is transmitted, why, for whom...

The rational reactions of most people within insane systems. In a word: Kafka. Then I must decide how I deal with them.

It's so you see that the struggle is taking place - around you, within you, over you and under you. Not to work within but to work with the struggle. To understand that being free is acting and struggling. But to recognize that a side can reinforce its opponent and keep itself Alive without moving towards something 'better'.

Rousseau said that "Man was born free but he is everywhere in chains". With this he bases an entire social contract which revolutionaries in France carried in their pockets shouting for equality, liberty and brotherhood (forgetting sisterhood). Human was not born free and human was not born in chains. Human was and is born within an environment within which s/he must struggle. Within that struggle lies freedom. Perhaps it can never be attained. Like a moment, which one can never really grasp but believes in nonetheless. Because these moments possibly occur. Can they be held on to? In memory perhaps. But this is by no means a permanent state. I think we should abandon the notion that we are all free and equal. In my view, freedom is in the fight for freedom. (Arendt, Foucault? - I don't know.)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

mastur

joint rolling is a subtle form of masturbation.
most things are