This the thing: The disconnect between the external and internal. The ways in which we're formed - from TV shows, sports, mathematics (that scientific education). Everything boils down to answers - Right and Wrong. These numbers add up, this makes sense. The story is logical, Dicken's gives us a nice ending. Everything is tied up.
But when we deal with people, relationships, careers; and when we try to balance all these things and we try to be "ourselves" in all these situations, we get Torn Apart.
There is one self - and we try to find that and we never can.
We want to apply our mathematically molded selves to the situations we're in. And it doesn't work. There is no math for being human.
There is no science for being human. The way you react in this situation does not mean you will react a different way in a different situation.
And you can never figure it out because things aren't clear, they are muddled and muddy. And every time we try to break away and Think, we get pulled back in by that damned line, the damned group, and we're trudging through that jungle with weights tied to our torsos ready to snap us back as soon as we let a drop of weakness seep from our heads.
It's all a bloody mess. There is no order save the order we create. Which is routine, simplicity, etc. This is beyond the world, but it is good for ourselves. No. It is In the World and that is good. But we're always beyond it.

Winning and Losing doesn't happen in life like it does in sports. It isn't clear cut like that.
But you quit sports. Now you watch them.
And you watch films and read books. And there are no answers. But you are always looking for them. Like answers the questions in school. Like math.
You don't find them, but you think you do. And you ask questions of people hoping for them to spoon feed you some shit that makes everything fall into place.
The balance is between simplicity and chaos. The more simple, the more chaotic, the more balanced, the more insane.
The madness is a state reached and kept when these two are reconciled in some strange way.