Basically it's a question of getting down to some very simple things.
what makes me feel good about life. where i get pleasure.
throwing those in to my day. mixed up, jumbled up.
Not getting caught in vicious and terribly draining, boring, unproductive routines.
making sure things are going good.
and keeping a fire-like core.
but existing like water, fluid, flowing, shapeless, shaping.

The very simple fact that you will not every agree completely with anybody on everything.
That you will hurt people and be hurt.
That you're perspective is in many ways within your grasp.

And the relationship between your body and your mind. Making your body feel good.

The ChiLL.
the melting life.
Towards a new phase, a new turn.
Being conscious of this daily. When i wake up in the morning.

BOLDNESS
“Then indecision brings its own delays,

And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days.

Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;

What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” -Goethe




i was watching myself speak today. in a video. That different perspective on the self. Cus I feel that I constantly watching myself, constantly aware. But the imagine I have of myself in my mind (and this, i must constantly remember) is not always the same as how others see me, or even how i might see myself (in camera, photo, etc).
Ray noticed that I've been anxious. And I need to stop. There is no hurry. But there are things I must do now.
Bold.

Being aware of what is productive and what isn't productive in terms of the way I deal with myself, in terms of being hard on myself, angry at myself, etc.
I can see how my attitude, anger from adolescent years turned inwards, to a reconstruction of myself. This is interesting and perhaps worthy of more writings.

Working on those little things, not trying to express this beautifully, just doing it, the little changes, like productive thinking, productive criticism.
But there's also the element of not giving a fuck. But maybe that's not good.

You, Xandre, you laying there, from that white rich place, with those friends and those thoughts and that body, with that tattoo and the songs you write and the writing you write and the wine you drink and the place you live. You, with that weird worldview and the realizing all the time - that you don't need to care about this and that, that slowing down is necessary to move quickly and effectively. You, hurrying always but needing to learn to chill. Being confident about certain things. You, developing that core where confidence develops. That there are things you can stand and things you can't. Knowing where to draw lines, where they're drawn already and how you fit within and outside of them, etc...
and waking up feeling GooD