look

there's still a lot of confusion with this living.
but people are going on with their lives and that is big.
some inspire, some scare, some get you working, some get you sad, some get you happy, some get you livin. when somebody is free around you that is big, even if they are sad. when somebody is happy around you and it is scary you should beware. their smiles are often made of paint.
phases come in phases.
simple realizations are shit out after a complex digestive process which includes a great deal of gas and discomfort.
--i will not be happy with my existence unless i am playing music, unless i have the time to dig into it.
figuring out the self is strange because you always think you know and then you realize you never really knew. but then you realize you always did.
being alone, being uncomfortable - you are forced to come to terms with what it is you want. At some point this happens. What makes you happy? What do you want to do? What do you LOVE? What will you not be happy without.
music, music, music
So, in your mind you form a Want. Then you begin to create a movement towards something. Perhaps a movement towards nothing, but perhaps towards something more exciting. an alarm in the morning and a boxing on mondays; a book a week and less time on the internet. more time at home, less time at home. more guitar, more blues, more singing, more running, more research, more recording.
my Irvine years were special because i hated where i was and that forced me to chew up a couple pieces of What I Was.
At some point i will realize more powerfully that this is all really happening. that I'm living and breathing right now; that there is no such thing as tomorrow and no more waiting and no more growing. there is the doing, there is the deed, there is the action of the moment. beyond this we touch only the robes over a naked body.
time drowning in my laptop
time drowning in my drive
time drowning at the gas station.
more discipline, less seriousness
get to it xandre
you lazy