People

When I spoke this afternoon, in the morning first, with new people, tired and sweating, smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee. Being jolly and laughing. Making people laugh. And then later in the day, more talking more people more more more.

Things were very good. Many good things came from these new people. New dialogues, new topics, new laughs and looks. New books and films. Older people, different jobs. The stories. New stories.

And I also feel like I might always be on the verge of a mental breakdown. Like the walls can just crumble at any point. And I don't know what would happen. If some white cloud would just melt over my brain and soak me in some mist, some confusion, some trip, beyond 'me'.
Or would it be a great lightness, a splendid feathery touch.
What would become of me.
Where would I go, see, try?

I'm thinking of my brain as this sort of complex structure, with walls and pathways and whatever. And then all the barriers break down. And you're left with the infinite.
To maneuver within this space of emptiness, but in complete chaos. Of desire, loneliness, temptation, passion, total and burning fear. Most of life is a barrage of emotions, symptoms, thoughts, whatever - but they work within these walls. The chaos when there are no barriers...How we create them, reinforce them. It's a process. And being on the Verge - this is where you begin to understand. When you stand at the edge and look over. And then you know. Where you are. And what you can destroy, where you can walk. This is where thinking happens. Where you actually get somewhere. On the edge.